We are a society of trigger happy humans. Just take one drive and witness driver A cut off driver B. Chances are, driver B will lose his shit, will go on a honking spree, and will leave the situation with an everlasting gobstopper of anger. They will put the anger snuggly in their back pocket and go around believing that there are “assholes that can’t drive in this world.” They will proceed by operating from a place of blame, not realizing that by doing so, they are inviting anger to seep deeper into their being. They will never once question how quickly they were to react, or why they reacted in the first place. They will never once pause and reflect, only to see that the anger was actually coming from past blocked energy in their body, another older invitation.
They will never realize that this moment was an invitation for deeper awareness. For liberation.
From the time I was a little girl I innately understood that people’s hurtful actions came from something not yet uncovered. I understood that all of us humans came with varying degrees of external conditionings and traumas. I knew that all of our spirits were ultimately and undoubtedly love and that the goal was to embark on the journey of remembering.
What I understood and continue to understand is that a lot of us, unconsciously or not, love to react, lash out and transfer our pain to those around us. We are trigger happy. We are quick to judge, gossip and blame. But few of us actually go inward and ask ourselves why we do it. Something or someone tests us, we reflexively and mindlessly go external and react. Then we walk around protecting our egos by coming up with all of the reasons why we are correct.
There are lessons in every single one of our triggers. They are here to elevate us by showing ourselves to ourselves. From what I’ve experienced, there are three requirements in exposing these lessons. The first two: non-reactive observation and curiosity. It all starts with being a witness to them.
The thing is, when we place blame on another human for what we are feeling, we declare ourselves powerless. We stop learning about ourselves and continue walking through the world like volcanoes that are ready to erupt. The ego loves to be right so the practice of dissecting a trigger does not feel good. Practicing non-reactive observation and curiosity about anger when it is ripe and ready to attack does not feel good. It’s easier to believe that someone else is in charge because then we don’t have to do anything about it but in reality that is more painful in the long run. By blaming someone else, we are postponing our healing journey.
When someone or something gives us the gift of anger, jealousy, or anxiety, to react and blame is to turn that gift into poison. When we take a step back and get curious, this is how we grow. Our triggers open up a pathway that if we decide to embark with curiosity, we will begin the journey of unblocking ourselves, of taking our power back, and ultimately of liberating ourselves.
Why are we getting angry?
No, not because they pissed us off. We are getting angry because there is a part of ourselves that when we were kids and not equipped to make sense of what was actually happening around us, we experienced a situation that brought about feelings of inadequacy, shame, powerlessness, abandonment, fear, you name it. As we were just learning to navigate the world, those experiences were too big for our undeveloped minds to take on, so we created narratives to try and understand them. These narratives created our beliefs, the beliefs created our traumas, and the traumas became wounds.
We quickly began to live our lives through the fierce protection of our wounds. When someone or something triggered our trauma, we reacted. A lot of us continue to walk around with unhealed wounds, protecting them through blame, hate, avoidance of intimacy, playing small, etc.
Moving onto the third requirement for dissecting a trigger: self-compassion. Once we witness our triggers and refrain from reacting (handing over our power), we need to bring in loads of self-compassion. We are dealing with deep wounds, with energy that has been stuck inside of us from a very young age, so we must meet ourselves with kindness. We must create a safe space for our inner child to open up and to finally let out the confusion we felt, the pain we internalized, and the fear we adopted. We must give ourselves permission for unfiltered vulnerability.
Our adult mind has an ability that our child mind lacked: perspective. We have the bandwidth to see past situations with a bit more clarity. We now have the opportunity to re-experience what we went through with such high levels of compassion that we can begin to heal our wounds.
When the hard emotions feel safe and seen, they will begin to melt away. When they melt, we will start to notice ourselves lighter. Lighter with compassion, confidence, and an inner knowing of our own truth. We will begin to associate less with our egos and strengthen our connection to love, to ourselves.
Our society has taught us that it is normal to proceed with hate, anger, bitterness, etc. Our society has taught us to disconnect from ourselves and lose sight of how powerful we actually are. The relationship we have with ourselves is directly tied to the level of nonjudgemental awareness we hold as we move through life.
This is about taking back our power and liberating ourselves.
Whatever you feel, no matter how “crazy” you think it is, do not judge yourself, do not judge others. Our feelings, our emotions, they are here for us. They are our greatest teachers, our most powerful guides. They just want to be seen, to be heard, and to be understood. They are here to help us rise.
Until next time Pretty Mental family, be kind to yourself.