I Did Not Come Here To Be A Human Doing

This morning I wrote a post all about anxiety and the beginning phrase was “Society doesn’t teach us to question our emotions. It teaches us to personalize them, become them, fear them, and then numb and suppress them.” Shortly after I wrote that post, a rush of anxiety hit. I was getting calls, emails, texts, and it felt like my to-do list was growing by the minute. In the past, maybe I would have felt the anxiety and just pushed it back a bit in order to focus on all of my tasks. Since the quarantine however, I have been moving at a much slower pace and I have been able to really sit still with myself. During quarantine I have been able to move through life at a pace that I believe is much more natural to the human condition.

I do not think it is natural to force ourselves awake at a certain time and start the mental countdown to the end of the day. I do not think it is natural to constantly be consuming and producing and taking in all of the stimuli that technology has to offer. Advancements in technology have been a beautiful stepping stone in our evolution that have provided enormous benefits. I am not against technology, I am against an unnatural way of life. I am against how little time we give ourselves to just be. To sit in the stillness, looking out at the birds, feeling the sunlight, breathing in the oxygen, and ultimately regulating our nervous systems back to inner peace, back to what is natural.

Shortly after I wrote that post and felt the anxiety pulling and pushing me, I thought “well this is a perfect moment to practice what I preach and take some time to ground myself” and at the same time I thought “how in the world am I supposed to just be when this list keeps growing?”

Anxiety, depression, stress, all of these states of distress and dis-ease are growing rapidly in our culture. We need to rewire how we are functioning. How much longer and how much harder will we push ourselves?

During the quarantine I found myself meeting the stillness frequently. I was gifted with the time and space to figure out my relationship to trust, surrender, and flow. I was able to truly see how potent being is to our health and well being. I was able to gain confidence in sitting still rather than my usual “how much can I get done today” mentality.

I feel the energy of the world picking up again, I feel myself getting tugged and pulled. I see my notifications rising and all that keeps running through my mind is that I am not ready to go back to that and I am not sure I will ever be. For the first time in a long time I have been able to see, taste, smell, touch, hear and feel my own truth. I did not come here to be a human doing. I came here to be a human being.

I am not entirely sure how I will navigate this going forward, how I will keep up with the demands of life while also creating abundant time to sit still, to get lost in nature, and to get in touch with my own truth, but I do know that I have to do it. Sooner or later, the world will realize that we need to reassess our dedication to distraction. I don’t know when that will be but I do know that I’ve already started the journey and I don’t ever see myself going back.

Thank you for letting me share with you. There is power in being witnessed and this was a message that was itching to come through. I would love to know your own experience during this quarantine and how it has colored your relationship to life. Let me know in the comments.

I would also like to address that I am entirely aware of my privilege in being able to sit in the stillness during this time and am incredibly grateful for those in the frontlines during this time. If you have been in the frontlines, I would also love to hear your perspective.

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