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A Journey Back Home



Woah. 2021 already. HOW? Part of me is shooketh and the other part of me knows that time is a total construct. Quick side story: in my second ayahuasca ceremony early last year I asked her to show me the concept of past lives and she showed me existing in multiple forms simultaneously. Time was not a factor in these parallel lives. I was simply existing. I was me, I was the homeless man down the street, I was the lady on the corner, etc. This completely altered my relationship with time as well as my connection to other humans. For the first time, I had not only the cognitive knowing but also the spiritual experience and understanding that we are all truly one.


SO as we slide into this next moment in life, I would love to share what these last 365 days have shown me.


This last year was pivotal for me (as it was for all of us). It was a year of returning back home to myself in a very visceral way. I come from the belief that this human journey is one big experience of returning home to ourselves and for me, 2020 was a catalyst in this process. This year taught me that my gut has always been guiding me. I used to wonder how people were so connected to their intuition and wondered if that would ever happen to me. I realize now that my gut has always been guiding me but it was my lack of trust, my fear that clouded my ability to truly listen. Breathwork was instrumental in helping me strengthen this connection. Through breathwork I understood for the first time what it felt like to wipe away the noise and make room for my intuition. I learned that my gut TRULY is my best compass and brings me into spaces of total magic the more I follow her. Our gut is always trying to communicate with us, through feelings that we have unfortunately been trained to suppress. But the more we learn to listen, the braver we get. Every time we face a fear, every time we follow our joy, every time we refuse to abandon ourselves for someone or something else, our gut muscles grow and our intuition gets louder and clearer. The most beautiful and most precious relationship I have ever cultivated has been with my own intuition. I trust her now (for the most part; it’s a continuous journey), and with every step I have taken since I truly began trusting, I realize how *all caps, all bold, all of it* GUIDED I am. How guided we ALL are. It takes continuous moments of trust, moments of “fuck it”, and moments of blind faith to do the scary things, but once we begin to do them, the illusion drops, and we see just how magical we really are. Literally magical.


Other than my magical gut, this year has taught me that therapy is everything. And finding a good therapist is even more everything. My beautiful therapist has been a game-changer in this life. I am entirely sure that she is one of my spirit guides who met me again in this lifetime to facilitate my journey home. I tried out a lot of therapists before I finally met her and I am so happy I didn’t stop looking. I was on the hunt for someone who was on their own spiritual journey and had one foot in each dimension. I found her. If you are looking for a therapist, don’t stop looking. Stick with it. She has been life-changing for me.


I’m excited about this next one because it is what has helped me feel the most alive. This next life lesson woke me back up to myself and continues to wake me up with every moment that passes: Love.


What is love to me? More than a word, it is a mode of living, it is a feeling of trust, surrender, and detached appreciation for what is. It is a knowing that I am SO good. I am SO held. WE are so good, WE are so held. This year taught me that I (and you and we) are pure love and once we accept, embrace, and live in this consciousness, we see that we are so much more powerful than we are led to believe. Love to me has opened me up to seeing very clearly what is mine and what belongs to other people. I see clearly when I am personalizing someone else’s behavior or someone else’s wounds, and when I am projecting my own wounds onto someone else. Through love I have learned how to hold space for myself and create guiltless boundaries for what is not mine to hold.


So as I step into this next moment, this New Year, my intentions are to keep blooming. To invite in deeper love and transmute any other frequency back into love. Because that’s where I feel the most at home. Living in love is where I feel the most alive. Living in love is where all the magic continues to happen for me. This is the seed for everything that aligns us with our highest most joyful, most abundant selves. When we move through this human journey in the frequency of love, that’s where all the amazing fruit blooms from.


2021 Mantra: I release and transmute all energies back into absolute love.


This year I really began seeing this life I am living as a total relationship with me and the universe. This isn’t between me and anyone else. Not a relationship with a lover, a friend, a family member, a job, a location, or anything else. This is a relationship with me and the universe. This is a journey back home.


Pretty Mental family. THANK YOU for walking this journey with us. Thank you for playing in this crazy, wild, beautiful, amazing video game with us. When I think of my Pretty Mental family, I feel nothing but pure love. I am ready to experience the magic that 2021 has for us. I am ready to dive deeper into my own journey and hear about your journeys. As we breathe greater love into our beings and step deeper into trust, we are coming back home to ourselves. I love you guys. Let the magic BLOOM.

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